by Margo J. Hayes

Skeptical Thomas
Prodigal Daughter
Denying Peter
Judging Pharisee
Unforgiving Servant
Stiff necked follower
Arrows of
Self doubt

I encounter all of these here in this Lenten desert.

Amid the oases of
Almsgiving service, Repentant and interceding prayer,
Abstinence and fasting, there are vast spaces interspersed with other presence.

What is this I sense, and from whence has it come?
Why now, in the midst of this meditative, journey of “leaning in and letting go? “

This is messing up the whole, Holy, mystical moment I’ve hoped for, and planned on.

Then, in a moment very much like this one I sense it — the Presence of the Paraclete-
One who walks along beside— and dwells within— my companion and guide.

It’s also in this moment that Truth reveals.
These are not evil others/external threats,
these have appeared here, and now,
  in my beautiful space
because I entered into an agreement— a covenant of sorts.
 I agreed to walk for a time- without blinders, in more open, frank awareness of who I am and, Who my God is.

I see, I hear —
Things about myself that are usually drowned out by distractions and denial.
I am less “holy” but more open to sacredness in this deep awareness.

This is my Lenten desert—
One in which I lay down my distractions slowly —
With no small difficulty.
But, in the laying down I seek forgiveness;
I open myself to incredibly humble, honest, and supernatural healing.

I express
frustration and fear,
failure and frenzy, impatience and impudence. 
(not entirely the musings of sacred meditation or a grateful heart ❤)

You my Lenten companion don’t seem to mind —
You carry, accompany, counsel and protect me.
Ever present and accessible.

This is my stumbling bumbling experience. - my annual journey thru Lent.

I used to become frustrated with the great ups and downs -- zigs and zags of my sojourn.

FINALLY!! The revelation dawned for me.
This is where I come to surrender ego —
Awareness that only comes thru the painful acknowledgment of its finely crafted constructs.

Here I have the opportunity to have eyes truly see and ears truly hear,
The wisdom of Christ within me, and the Holy Spirit surrounding me.

This is not the most beautiful of journeys,
So it’s tempting to turn back or just “auto pilot” my way to Easter, but —
The covenant of awareness always leads me to the joy filled resurrection of Christ,
And of my inner most being — created by that Loving and Merciful Triune being.

Then and only then, can I truly offer humble, joyful Easter gratitude and
Prepare for the gifts and fullness of Pentecost.

Inspired by Lent, but reflecting the entirety of the Spiritual Journey
March 4, 2017